Remember how I said we live outside of town, and the closest grocery store is 15 minutes away? Well, the closest grocery store is in another small town -- let's call it Stupid Town. The problem with that town is that it has grown so fast, the brainpower of town planners hasn't been able to keep up.

For one thing, there's a main thoroughfare -- let's call it Main Thoroughfare Road -- and it previously was a residential street. Now it's one way to get from one side of town to the other. So the town planners decided to re-do the entire street. They widened it, put sidewalks on it, put up new, easy-to-read street signs -- it looks very nice. But the speed limit is still 25 miles per hour. And there are NO LEFT TURN lanes. Seriously, thousands of people use this road every hour and not a one can turn left to save his own life. So of course, traffic is constantly blocked in the left lane. And there's ALWAYS a photo radar van on this road, which I of course forgot a couple months ago, resulting in a speeding ticket.

So yesterday, we had to leave playgroup early because Big Boy threw a fit because I wouldn't let him have carrot cake. So his fit continues in the car. We're in Stupid Town, and I want to get home and feed Big Boy lunch and put him to bed for a nap. So I think I'm being clever and will take Main Thoroughfare Road through town. I know I have to turn on another road -- Roundup -- to get to Main Thoroughfare. So I turn on it, and I'm thinking, this doesn't seem to be going the right direction. Of course it's a winding road, and there's nowhere safe to turn around. So I keep going. Pretty soon I'm positive I'm going the wrong way. And I can't get back to ANY main road, so that I can find the right Roundup.

So we're driving and Big Boy is screaming and crying, "I want my flip flops on, I don't want my flipflops on, I'm hungry, I don't want lunch, I want cake, I want to go back to playgroup, I don't want to go back to playgroup, I want to go home, I don't like our house, our house is yucky, I want lunch, I don't want to wear shorts, I want my jeans, I want my shorts, I want my flip flops on, take my flip flops off."

And I'm driving. And driving. And driving. I'm passing streets like Donkey Drive, Wagon Wheel Way, Flapjack Road (that's a real one), Bob Road (seriously). I'm driving. And still, we're winding around in every direction. The main road is visible, but the only way to get to it is to drive through a dry grassy field. Finally, after about 20 minutes, I get back to where I started. And now we still have a 20-minute drive home.

And when I'm finally driving home, I see about three more Roundup Roads that start and end haphazardly all over town. Seriously. Half the roads in Stupid Town don't go through -- they start and stop here and there. And you never get anywhere!

"I don't want lunch. I want cake. I'm hungry. Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! I want my flip flops! I don't want to wear shorts. I don't want to eat lunch. I want lunch. I don't want peanut butter and jelly. I want peanut butter and jelly."