Okay, I know I said I wouldn't do this, but I need help -- and the best way to get help is to ask, right? I'm introducing you to some of my houseplants.
Check out my ficus tree! A friend gave it to us two years ago, since she was moving and couldn't take it with her. At the time it was shedding or molting or whatever trees do when they drop leaves, so we attributed its ratty appearance to that. Only it's never really started looking better. I did some internet research about caring for ficus trees, and basically ficus trees don't like anything. To paraphrase an article I read, "For optimum ficus tree health, don't overwater, underwater, move, prune, touch, breathe on or look at a ficus tree."
So I put it in a spot where it gets lots of indirect light. Some spots on the tree look great but mostly it looks terrible and I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?
Two of my cacti have shriveled up, despite my attempts not to overwater or underlight them. I thought you couldn't kill a cactus...I suspect this problem could be light-related but have given up because I'm pretty sure those guys are dead. I have started replacing dead houseplants with fake houseplants -- like the herb garden I planted under a grow light in my kitchen. Now they're plastic and they look pretty but don't taste very good.
So those are my houseplants. Don't worry, some of them are healthy and thriving. And so are my children.
On to the pets:
Let me preface this with the fact that I don't think I'm a pet person any more.
Izzy, one of the cats, is perhaps the least annoying pet, except that she's a scratcher. She doesn't scratch humans and she is very tolerant of Big Boy, but our door jambs look like one of our cactus plants has mutated, has legs, and can't fit through doorways. Since the birth of Little Boy, Izzy has taken to sleeping on my pillow, which is somewhat endearing but mostly annoying. Her history: My dad found her at one of his job sites (he builds houses), living in a cardboard box.
Ruby, the other cat, has an eating disorder. I am not joking or making light of eating disorders. Ruby is always hungry, even when her bowl is full. She meows constantly. She binges on food and then throws up. Constantly. I have had her evaluated by two veterinarians but she doesn't seem to be unhealthy (except for the constant puking, right?). This brings me to Lola.
Lola is one of our canines. She has only two positive characteristics: she eats Ruby's throw up if she gets into the house and notices a pile I have missed. Also, she is very nice to both boys she lets them do almost anything to her. I insisted on getting her as an outside dog so she could protect us! This was all my idea. You see, thieves broke into my husband's truck two years ago, in our driveway. They made off with a lot of loot. It freaked me out. Enter Lola. She's hairy and she barks all the time. She barks at cars driving by. She barks at other dogs barking. She barks at spiders in the yard. Sometimes she barks at nothing. She also eats various parts of our irrigation system. Her existence, as it relates to our household, has caused some tension between MrsDartt and MrDartt. Quite a bit of tension.
Then there's Louie. When I adopted him as a roommate after buying my first house, he was the perfect dog. He was a little shy, but he did pretty much everything right (except for eating my couch cushions). Now, though, he's grown more and more skittish. If we open the front door too fast, his feet go a million miles an hour as he scrambles to get outside, all the while clacking on the wood floor, causing quite a ruckus. He won't walk through the kitchen, so if you get stuck between Louie and the side of the counter you have to pass to get into the kitchen, his feet go a million miles an hour as he scrambles to get out of your way. The clacking drives MrDartt crazy. MrsDartt, too, actually.
Now you know everybody in our household. We will not be adding any living beings, plant or animal (including human) for a while.
No comments:
Post a Comment