Big Boy is feeling lots better today -- I can tell because he's in a nasty mood. I went to give him a kiss this morning and he grabbed my face and dug his thumb nail into my eye.

Now that his health crisis is over, I feel the need to discuss the deplorable state of telephone manners today.

I'm not talking about the people in the movie theater who, when a character comes into a room, gasp and then loud-whisper, "She just came into the room." I'm not talking about the people at the grocery store who park their cart on one side of the aisle and then stand between the cart and the olives, studying the olives for five minutes and therefore blocking the entire aisle for five minutes.

I am talking about people who either get paid to answer the phone and then act like you're inconveniencing them when you call, or people who call you and want something from you, but act as if you called them at a bad time.

Two examples:

A few days ago, I was returning a call from my Big Brothers Big Sisters match advisor. She'd called the day before. The receptionist answered the phone, and I asked for my advisor.

"Mmm, I don't think she's here. Let me check. Nope, she's not here."

That was it.

"Okay," I said, "do you take messages over there, or should I just call back and hope she's around?"

Before I had Big Boy, I was a reporter at a daily newspaper. One day, my phone rang and I answered it (don't worry, this story does get better). Here's what I heard.

Chew. Chew. Swallow. "Hi. Is this MrsDartt?"

"Yes," I answered.

Lip-smack. "Hi, this is RudeCaller from College and I am not sure ..." Chew. Swallow. "If I've called the right person. But we're starting a ... " Rustle (is she wiping off the phone? I don't know). "Women's resource center downtown and wondered if you wanted to cover it."

I asked her if she had some more information, like what kinds of resources, for what kinds of women (is this for women in general, homeless women, abused women, single mothers, young women, old women, wrinkled women, women who talk with their mouths full, etc.). I asked when it might open, where it would be, if she had any pictures to create a visual, if the center had a name ...

And you know what? She didn't have answers to any of these questions. She basically rustled, chewed, swallowed, and talked with her mouth full to tell me that she didn't know anything about the center she wanted me to write about. And she was the spokesperson for this group. Her not having the information would have just been funny if it hadn't been for the eating thing.

These phone conversations actually occurred. I didn't make them up!

So I want to know what has happened in America today (or is it just the town where I live?). I want to know when it became okay for someone to not take a message or at least recommend a better time to call back. Or when it became polite to talk with your mouth full during a business phone call. Any ideas? Is it just me?