It does, apparently.
The other night I was watching the news, and the news anchor started out a new story announcing that some people in some faraway state (maybe Arkansas?) were having really hot sex. He went on to explain that they were about to have sex when their house caught on fire.
Cut to the guy involved.
This guy is toothless. He hasn't shaved in about two weeks. His hair is bushy, gray, unkempt. His eyes are huge. His mouth is moving constantly (think someone on meth) and he is, very seriously, explaining to the news person behind the camera that he and his wife were about to make love when their bedroom caught on fire.
"I was naked," he says, "and she was in her underwear."
Okay, I did not want to think about this guy making whoopie with anybody and I certainly don't want to picture him naked (no, they're not one and the same to me).
Turns out one of them dropped a lit cigarette on the floor during foreplay.
What I want to know is, when did a small house fire, contained to one room, become national news? It only became national news because the people involved were having sex when it started.
I cannot believe the man would talk to news cameras for this story, and I cannot believe stations across the nation would air the interview. Totally humiliating for the guy (if not, it should have been) and totally disturbing for me (and probably the millions of other people who saw it).
Showing posts with label silly people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label silly people. Show all posts
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
"The Ignorant"
I love people.
Today as I was driving Big Boy and Little Boy to our music playgroup, I stopped at a stop sign to turn onto the road that leads to the highway. A woman driving a Honda Civic Hybrid drove past us, and I waited for her before turning onto the appropriate road. As she drove past, she was looking in the mirror, fluffing her hair with her hands. I pulled onto the road behind her and was alarmed at the sheer number of bumper stickers she had on her car.
They said things like, "The Ignorant Should Not Reproduce."
"You are not the car you drive. You are not your f**king khakis."
And so on.
It doesn't really matter.
The two things she did that I found noteworthy, especially after I read the bumper stickers, are: she was driving like a maniac! She was tailgating and at the first opportunity she decided to pass someone so she jammed her car between the one she was behind in the fast lane and a slightly slower one in the slow lane, so she could go around the one she was behind.
Then, she was smoking.
Really? Are you serious?
So here is this girl insinuating that she is not ignorant and that she is not her Honda Civic Hybrid and not her khakis, either, and she is driving like a maniac and she is smoking.
Driving like a maniac shows that she is not as Zen as her bumper stickers were trying to make her sound. They were shouting, "I am Zen! I am relaxed! I am better than you even though I am implying that you think you are better than me. I am better than you because I know I am not better than anyone." And her driving is shouting, "But I am driving like a maniac so get the HELL out of my way! Because I am better than you and your driving sucks!"
And then she is smoking! Her smoking is shouting, "I am so ignorant! I am smoking even though everybody knows by now that smoking is terrible for you and it can kill you! But the ignorant should not reproduce!"
And don't forget the hair-fluffing. She may not be her Honda Civic Hybrid or her khakis, but she is definitely her hair style.
I love these people.
I hope she is not reproducing.
Today as I was driving Big Boy and Little Boy to our music playgroup, I stopped at a stop sign to turn onto the road that leads to the highway. A woman driving a Honda Civic Hybrid drove past us, and I waited for her before turning onto the appropriate road. As she drove past, she was looking in the mirror, fluffing her hair with her hands. I pulled onto the road behind her and was alarmed at the sheer number of bumper stickers she had on her car.
They said things like, "The Ignorant Should Not Reproduce."
"You are not the car you drive. You are not your f**king khakis."
And so on.
It doesn't really matter.
The two things she did that I found noteworthy, especially after I read the bumper stickers, are: she was driving like a maniac! She was tailgating and at the first opportunity she decided to pass someone so she jammed her car between the one she was behind in the fast lane and a slightly slower one in the slow lane, so she could go around the one she was behind.
Then, she was smoking.
Really? Are you serious?
So here is this girl insinuating that she is not ignorant and that she is not her Honda Civic Hybrid and not her khakis, either, and she is driving like a maniac and she is smoking.
Driving like a maniac shows that she is not as Zen as her bumper stickers were trying to make her sound. They were shouting, "I am Zen! I am relaxed! I am better than you even though I am implying that you think you are better than me. I am better than you because I know I am not better than anyone." And her driving is shouting, "But I am driving like a maniac so get the HELL out of my way! Because I am better than you and your driving sucks!"
And then she is smoking! Her smoking is shouting, "I am so ignorant! I am smoking even though everybody knows by now that smoking is terrible for you and it can kill you! But the ignorant should not reproduce!"
And don't forget the hair-fluffing. She may not be her Honda Civic Hybrid or her khakis, but she is definitely her hair style.
I love these people.
I hope she is not reproducing.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Business
Does anyone have an idea for a business where you don't have to deal with any customers? But you still make a lot of money?
Customers are annoying. Here are some examples:
I have some friends that own a business. They send out an e-mail upon receiving an order. That e-mail says, "If your name is different than the name on your Paypal account, respond to this e-mail and tell us which name you want on your certificate. If you ordered in the name of a business, please let us know if you want your own name on your certificate." THEN, if the order came in from a business name, they add, "We noticed that you ordered in the name of a business. If we don't hear back from you, we'll send your certificate to, MONKEY BUSINESS."
So inevitably, there are people who receive their certificates and then write back, "I ordered in my wife's name! You people are crazy. Send me a new certificate in my name."
Or the best is when people write in and say, "You sent my certificate to MONKEY BUSINESS, which is very silly."
Well, no kidding it's silly. That's why they asked for your real name. Were they just supposed to come up with a name, since you didn't give them one? Were they supposed to ask you for your real name before printing your certificate -- wait! They did!
Anyway, people are just amazing sometimes. So I'm looking for a business idea that would not require me to deal with people. Any ideas?
Customers are annoying. Here are some examples:
I have some friends that own a business. They send out an e-mail upon receiving an order. That e-mail says, "If your name is different than the name on your Paypal account, respond to this e-mail and tell us which name you want on your certificate. If you ordered in the name of a business, please let us know if you want your own name on your certificate." THEN, if the order came in from a business name, they add, "We noticed that you ordered in the name of a business. If we don't hear back from you, we'll send your certificate to, MONKEY BUSINESS."
So inevitably, there are people who receive their certificates and then write back, "I ordered in my wife's name! You people are crazy. Send me a new certificate in my name."
Or the best is when people write in and say, "You sent my certificate to MONKEY BUSINESS, which is very silly."
Well, no kidding it's silly. That's why they asked for your real name. Were they just supposed to come up with a name, since you didn't give them one? Were they supposed to ask you for your real name before printing your certificate -- wait! They did!
Anyway, people are just amazing sometimes. So I'm looking for a business idea that would not require me to deal with people. Any ideas?
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