How Much Do You Know About What Your Spouse is Really Doing?

I know, I know, four years of marriage isn't that long, so I shouldn't be surprised that I'm still learning new things about him. MrDartt and I tied the knot almost four years ago, after having dated only five months. We met in the Costco parking lot (a story for another day).
Today, MrDartt got called in to work (it's one of his days off). He had to leave at 4 p.m. Of course, I had worked this morning, then MrDartt had a dentist appointment, and I had a TON of indoor stuff to do (paying bills, making phone calls, etc.). And of course the boys didn't want to sleep when MrDartt was gone. When he got home at 3 p.m., Big Boy just wanted to "play basketball," which really means he wanted to go outside and walk around on the hill and play in a big bush. And "go to work." And to the "hopsital" because "mommy's not feeling very well."
Sidetracked again.
So MrDartt told Big Boy he'd go outside with him. On his way out, MrDartt asked if I'd throw together a sandwich for him to take to lunch. I made a sandwich (MrDartt bought himself "luncheon loaf" and bought me real ham lunch meat because he knew I wouldn't eat the luncheon loaf). Then, I cut up some celery and put some peanut butter in a small container. Then, I threw in a yogurt. When I went to put a spoon in the front pouch of his lunch box, I found a seasoning shaker that MrDartt had filled with a mixture of salt and pepper.
I didn't even know he'd done that, and I just thought it was so cute!
My husband loves to salt and pepper. He believes that when you serve people food, you should have salt and pepper on the table in case they want it. He always wants it. He tastes his food before salting and peppering, don't worry -- he's not one of those people that salts and peppers with reckless abandon.
So today, while throwing together a quick lunch for my hubby, I learned something new about him. He carries a salt-and-pepper mixture with him to work. I can just see it now, him dipping a celery stick in peanut butter, then sprinkling a little salt-and-pepper on it. Or peeling off the yogurt lid and tossing in a little salt and pepper. Or perhaps he's salting and peppering his peanut butter and jelly. Now I know.

Marriage comparisons

It's so funny the differences between couples.
For example, one of my friends was saying the other night that she does not like doing laundry. If the hamper starts getting full, her husband says, "The hamper's starting to get a little full," and she says, "If you want the laundry done, do it yourself." That's a slightly simplied paraphrase of the conversation as she explained it.
My husband, on the other hand, won't tell me he's running out of socks until he's wearing the very last pair (the green ones with beer mugs, which my mom got him for St. Patrick's Day one year). And then he'll very gently say, "Do you think you could do some whites? I don't have any socks left." And then I have to do them right away because he's out of socks. I've finally convinced him to let me know ahead of time before he runs out of socks, but he feels guilty. Laundry is a chore that I don't mind, though. Just don't ask me to iron.
Another example: both my husband and the husband of one of my friends must get at least 16 hours of sleep per night (yes, it's an exaggeration, I admit, but it sometimes seems like it). She once said, "That is just something that makes our marriage work." MrDartt doesn't feel like he sleeps very well so he usually stays in bed for two or so hours after the kids and I get up.
On the other hand, another couple we know takes turns "sleeping in," which means they stay in bed for 15 minutes after the kids get up.
My point (yes, I have one!) is that couples just have to do what works for them. What works for one couple may not work for another. What seems totally normal to one may seem awful to another. But I have to remember not to judge my friends' relationships just because they're different from mine.
I have one friend who's always telling me that my husband should help me more, should do something every day to give me a break (that's what her husband does), should suck it up and give the kids their baths even though it kills his back to sit on the bathroom floor. Sometimes I feel like she just doesn't get that our relationship works the way it works.
We do things differently than they do -- and I'm not sure I would enjoy a marriage like theirs. She makes it clear that she wouldn't enjoy one like mine.
But let's not judge -- let's remember that every couple makes it work. I'm not talking about husbands beating their wives (that's not a good way to make it work), or wives yelling at their husbands constantly (nobody likes a screamer). I'm just saying that if two people are happy, and they're just doing what makes their marriage work. Leave them alone! Let them be happy, just the way they are.

On Marriage

Okay, I know MrDartt and I haven't been married very long (3.5 years), but still, you'd think it's been long enough for him to be smart enough to avoid putting his foot in his mouth repeatedly! How are those little piggies tasting, MrDartt?

So, as you know, my mother-in-law and her husband are in town. They arrived Friday, April 17, and were going to be at our house mid-morning. So, between Big Boy throwing up all day Tuesday and having diarrhea all day Wednesday and then taking Little Boy for his checkup Thursday, I was busy at home, and still did my best to pick up toys and keep up with dishes. I even mopped the floor (that's rare around here). The kitchen counter was empty (no piles).

MrDartt had a long week at work and got home late Thursday night. Friday morning when he woke up, I apparently "badgered" him about giving me compliments regarding all the cleaning I did, before he had time to wake up. So his response: "Well, does it really look that clean to you? Did you notice there's still cat throw up on the floor?"

Well, I noticed the cat throw up but the vacuum was broken (again), and I'd been cleaning up person throw up and leaky diapers all week.

Then, MrDartt's mom and her hubby stayed at my sister-in-law's most of the week, and arrived at our house Thursday morning. They spent the day with me and the boys because MrDartt was working. He made it home for dinner, which I'd cooked, and first thing when he sat down, said my sweet potatoes were "a little overcooked."

He claims he only said that so nobody else would think we thought the sweet potatoes were cooked just right. Ugh.

And don't worry -- I have no illusions -- I KNOW I do annoying stuff to MrDartt.

Here's what I want to know: How do couples survive marriage? How do marriages survive couples?

Here's some of how:

MrDartt does most of the cooking in our house, and most of the hand dishes. He works so hard to be a good father, to build our sons’ confidence and to provide them with a healthy home. He listens to my stories, remembers what my friends are doing and tells me whether my shoes match my outfit. He keeps the kids out of the bathroom while I shower. He needs me to find stuff in the pantry and refrigerator for him. He leaves half-full coffee cups on the kitchen counter, in reach of L (oh, wait, those last two are some of my pet peeves, right?).

Anyway, here's to marriage -- and surviving it!